Saturday, August 21, 2010

Why effective communication skills are important for me?

When I was at secondary -school age, I didn’t know how to express myself clearly in such a way that people would understand what I was thinking. Consequently, misunderstanding always existed between my family or friends and me. This caused a lot of troubles in my teenage life.

Among all misunderstandings in the past, there was one case that happened between my best friend and me when we were both 16 years old. He was handsome, intelligent, rich etc. However, he used to complain that his life was miserable. I was okay with his pessimistic attitude, but envying at his fortunate destiny. Everything was going well until one day when my teacher returned marked test scripts to students after the final exam. I received my test script before he did, which was about 55%. Being a hardworking student who had put in so much effort before exams, I felt sad but he praised me for the score (the average score was less than 50%). But later when he found that he attained 70%, he shouted “huh, only 70%?” I was upset and scolded him. He then tried to say something but I didn’t give him any seconds to explain his words. With a great anger suddenly sparking off from my long-term envy at him, I blamed him with all counter-arguments that my brain could produce. I didn’t talk with him for subsequent days until I found out that he, in the sense of making fun with me, intended to irritate me by teasing me. However, I overreacted. In short, I almost lost a friend due to the temper I couldn’t control.

The lesson above stimulates me to learn effective communication skills. The reason is simple, that is the skills could help me avoid communication breakdowns.


  1. I feel sorry for what had happened between you and your friend. I hoped both of you had already resolved that issue. Ineffective communication can indeed cause alot of problems for everyone. Sometimes, these unnecessary misunderstandings may even result into making enemies with each other. This is why effective communication is so important for all of us.

  2. My experience is that: don't say anything while you were angry. It can make us lose control and unconsciously say something that hurts people whom we are talking to :)

  3. Yes I agree with Hong.

    I read somewhere that when one gets angry, he should count silently from 1 to 5, whenever he wants to say anything. During that 5 seconds, he should ask himself if he would regret saying it after a day. If the answer is yes, he should not say it. Personally, I have been applying it and find it useful.

  4. Hi Min Hau!

    Jealousy kills. When the green-eyed monster invades our soul and take over our body, all hell will break loose!

    I always remind myself that envying others is useless. You depreciate your self-worth to inflate the ego of others when you envy them.

    Therefore, instead of envying others, why not take a moment to think through what got them there and try to learn from them? Tell yourself you will be there and share your glory with your friend the next time the test come and work towards that direction.

    See you around in class!

  5. To Riyan: Thanks :D. He and I are still in friendship now. Yeap, I agree with you. Misunderstanding is such a devil sometimes, haha...

    To Hong: Exactly! Well, most of the times I still fail to control my temper and say somethings that hurt people >.<... But I will apologize to them after I regain my consciousness.

    To Yong Feng: Thanks for your advice :D. I will give it a try.

    To Edmund: Yea, that is true. I will keep your words in my mind :D.
    Hmm...but too bad, he is now studying at another place and so I can never share my glory with him anymore, haha...

  6. hi Min Hau, let past be, as long as you learn something from it and never make the same mistake.

    i think similar things happen to everyone, and i think effective communication is comprehensive, which means personal temper, personality and habits should be taken into consideration. so sometimes, i think communication breakdown is inevitable, what i will do is just to try to minimize the negative effect and learn from it.

  7. Thank you, Hau, for this fine first post. I really appreciate the way you have zoomed in on a very specific anecdote that illustrates just how effective communication is important for you.
    I do have a few questions about clarity. Please see my comments below:

    1) Among all, that was one case... >>> Among all the scenarios/ cases/ situations/ misunderstandings, there was one case....

    2) ... he used to complaining that his life was a misery. >>> he used to complain that his life was miserable.

    3) In fact, I was fine, though envying him, with his attitude. >>> ?

    4) I didn’t talk with him for subsequent days until I found out that he was trying to make a prank for me. >>> What was the prank? I don't understand.

  8. Hi Brad,

    I apologize for the unclear sentences.
    1) Among all misunderstandings in the past, there was one case...

    3)In fact, I was okay with his pessimistic attitude, but envying his fortunate destiny.

    4) Haha...I didn't explain too much because the number of words had exceeded 300. What happened was that, he tried to irritate me by teasing me indirectly (in the sense of playing with me). However, I overreacted.